Suffocate a creative mind

The title of this sounds quite hilarious. I’ve been working for the last 28 days without one day off, and been working for a year in a job I genuinely dislike. It wouldn’t be a life choice and it wouldn’t be something I’d opt to go back to. I’m working in a call centre for a large fashion company (H&M) for one more month to get the rest of my money together to study my Masters in Environmental design at Glasgow School of Art. It really can’t come fast enough. I have a headache as I write this from tiredness because my mind has been forced to work in a way it really would rather not work. It’s exhausted.

Answering repetitive calls and answering repetitive emails numbs your mind. You don’t have to think anymore. Your brain is becoming trained to become lazy and stay on a level where nothing is a challenge. It’s not the greatest way to spend a year but I’m so glad I’m aware of this so I don’t get sucked into that life. I’d be a very unhappy person ha! My brain is screaming at me…there’s more than this. Art school will give you those very opportunities next month.

Thank god.

Budapest

Jinsop Lee influenced. Knowing where you are.

One year ago I watched a Ted talk by Jinsop Lee and wrote,

“This afternoon I watched Jinsop Lee’s Ted talk on ‘Design for all 5 senses’. He took memorable experiences from his life where different senses fluctuated depending on the experience itself. It may be impossible to design a 10/10 for each sense when designing but I feel it is important as designers to get as close as possible in touch,hear,smell,see and taste to create a great product or experience. I really like his thinking…
Now I know why I love snowboarding so much: you see the mountain around you, hear the wind blow, feel the cold, smell the fresh mountain air, and taste the French baguette for lunch!”

And now, I’ve lived in Edinburgh for one year at my home on the street I grew up on, in the house I’ve always known since I was born.

Now I know why I love this place so much: you see the things you’re used to in a different way, you hear the t.v humming from the living room downstairs, you feel the warmth as you open the front door after work, you smell your mums cooking that you’ve always known, and taste the food you can never get enough of.

Yourself.

I’ve had a crazy day in my head. All I can think about is the fact I’m working straight through until the 28th of August. Wondering how hard it’s going to be. That’s 6 weeks without a free day.

Today I was learning some Japanese because I need a new challenge. My brain just doesn’t switch off. I get bored easy and need new things in my life and new people. I keep the people I need in my life close to me because I love them and know they won’t hurt me. I think it’s important not to rely on others always and prove to yourself you can work hard and make it. People ask what I want to be after my Masters. If you asked me at the start of University I’d have said a Product designer. But studying that made me realise the creative possibilities that are out there. It’s not hugely important for me to succeed but it exciting to push my mind to its limits and see what I’m capable of. I’ve still never met my mum or dad and I don’t think I will just incase seeing them changes my outlook on life or my goals. Seeing what they are in real life might make me stop. I don’t mind change but that’s a change I’d rather avoid. It’s strange. Anyway I better sleep after my ‘wee winge’ and get ready for work!

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Untitled moment of my every day thoughts for the last while.

So much to come out. 

But it can’t. And it wont.

Not right now.

Because my mind’s been suffocated.

It’s been forced to work in a different way.

A way I wouldn’t dream of if I had a choice right now.

But I don’t.

Because if I choose different, I’ll get nowhere.

 

 

 

 

 

Blue sky! Black sky if you were sitting in space…or wouldn’t that be infinite?

I was coming home from work on the bus today. Imagine you could sit on a small planet and watch planet earth for a few hours(years space time) and watch exactly what’s going on. People living in the past in the rainforests yet in their present and future. Areas of land we call countries being fought over by normal people we call leaders because ownership is so important to us. On a smaller scale, ownership used to be more important to me. Now I see that taking the time to make little changes for the ones
around us and appreciating our lives is a much better way to go.

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The water of Leith in Edinburgh

We used to drive past this area every so often when I was little but it was one of those places you’d only see from the car window. At the end of summer, actually when I was visiting Leith school of Art, I walked along a creepy dark road with my dog and ended up here. It was pretty cold for the summer but was lovely just to sit at. I also seen an old artist who looked around 80 years old having a paint which was cute.ImageImageImagewalk

my thought blog

I have so many. But so does everyone else.

The world has gone crazy in many ways:

The mad rush to find someone physically beautiful. To find beautiful clothes. Hair. Eyes. A general appearance. An aesthetically pleasing car, house, cushion cover to impress visitors who might also appreciate that beauty. The reason for this constant search for beauty is probably because of the sheer absence of it in the world that we have to turn to good looking tangible products…

Reflect sometimes…all the time

A clean mind, steady and simple thoughts

Less of a worry putting things into perspective

Stop thinking, stopped worrying and over thinking

Knowing what you want from what you have is important

I have recently realised that doing things I questionably hate

to get where I want to be

being the only reason that I do them.

I can’t wait to move to Glasgow.

things you might not know…

I forgot my sketch book today:

 

My mind seems to wander and every night I’ll have a dream…sometimes more dreams. I can’t help but constantly notice things that can be improved, look beautiful, look nice or look uncanny. It’s like an ongoing battle to get my mind to become normal so I don’t have to notice ‘everything’ but maybe it is how I am supposed to be!

I used to want to be an architect, I would still love to be but I equally love designing for interactions between people and human behavior…so an environmental designer would be the best thing. One whole year of reading then I can start that! Quite exciting!